


Recollection

by DragonLaxatives



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Choking, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Violence, written pre-release
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 18:03:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19978258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonLaxatives/pseuds/DragonLaxatives
Summary: “Been a while hasn’t it?” Claude said with an odd twist to his lips. Dimitri could only assume it was an attempt at a smile. Their eyes met and Dimitri could feel his own lips curl into a sneer.What they were doing now, this secret meeting, could easily be considered an act of treachery to their homelands.





	Recollection

**H** eat.

It was the first thing Dimitri realized he was feeling when he looked at Claude emerging from the trees. It had been five years. Five years of planning, suffering and fighting. Dimitri swallowed as he felt his chest grow hot at seeing the other man.

“Been a while hasn’t it?” Claude said with an odd twist to his lips. Dimitri could only assume it was an attempt at a smile. Their eyes met and Dimitri could feel his own lips curl into a sneer. 

What they were doing now, this secret meeting, could easily be considered an act of treachery to their homelands. Not a single person in his army knew what he was doing or where he was, and he suspected it was the same for Claude. He didn’t sense any other living thing near them. They were completely alone. Obstructed by trees and the cover of night. If either of them decided to attack, it would take their troops hours, maybe even days, to find their corpses. Meeting was a risk, one wrong move and everything they had worked for would be forfeit. Dimitri stared at the other man, his eye narrowing as he looked at Claude’s relaxed stance. The moonlight made it easy for him give Claude a once over and it didn’t look like he had any weapons on him. Still, it would be easy to conceal any in the underbrush or in some shadow outside of Dimitri’s vision. He knew what kind of man Claude was.

“So, tell me, Dimitri. Why did you want to-”

“Claude.” Dimitri growled and Claude met his gaze evenly.

**A** nger.

It was the second thing Dimitri realized he was feeling. Not at Claude, not entirely. But at himself too. Even with the years separating them, with the bad blood between them, Dimitri couldn’t stop the way his heart started pounding when he saw the other man. It infuriated him.

“You’re trespassing on my land,” Dimitri said, eye narrowed, his fist clenched at his side in attempt to keep control of his erratic emotions.

Claude regarded him for a moment before giving him a lazy smile. Dimitri felt his heart squeeze at the sight but quickly quashed the feeling.

“That so? I had no idea.”

“Don’t give me that crap.” Dimitri hissed, anger flaring hot, “You know damn well this is land under the protection of Faerghus. Why are you here?”

“We~ll,” Claude began with a sigh, as if Dimitri was being unreasonably difficult, “As you know, Adrestian forces have moved into Leicester and because of that small inconvenience, we’ve been effectively cut off from the Monastery,” Claude shrugged his shoulders and moved to lean against a large tree, “All we’re doing here is trying to avoid any Adrestians. Just a little detour from our route, no big deal. You have nothing to worry about.”

Bull-fucking-shit. Dimitri knew there had to be some ulterior motives to Claude moving into his land. Being at the border of both Faerghus and Leicester meant this area was both one of the warmest and most fertile areas in his control. There were countless resources and even more civilians ripe for the pickings. Dimitri clenched his teeth in anger. He wouldn’t let anyone harm his land or people. Not even Claude. He wasn’t about to let this man harm his people. He wasn’t going to lose any more than he already had.

“Leave.” Dimitri growled, eyes flashing dangerously.

Claude frowned, almost as if Dimitri’s response was unexpected.

“Dimitri, we’re really not going to-”

“I don’t know what business you have with the monastery, nor am I stupid enough to think you’d tell me. But you can find another way to get there. I can’t risk you bringing any harm to the people under my care.” He said, an air of finality to his words.

He saw Claude’s brows furrow in frustration. A rarity.

“Dimitri, this route is the only way there that will guarantee the survival of all my troops! Don’t you care?! They were your friends once upon a time, weren’t they?” He exclaimed and Dimitri knew it was a calculated move. Dimitri was well aware of how much of a crafty bastard Claude could be. But it didn’t stop another hot flare of anger and shame.

“They’re of no concern to me now,” Dimitri spat, already turning to walk away, “Leave by morning or else.”

He only took one step when he heard Claude’s bitter words.

“So that’s how it is then, Dimitri. You’re just going to let people you cared about die as if they meant nothing to you. We mean no harm and you turn us away. Now their blood is going to stain your hands, Dimitri. Killed by your whims” Claude laughed and Dimitri clenched his teeth into a sneer.

Claude’s next words were quiet, almost whispered. If it hadn’t been absolutely silent the moment he had said it, Dimitri may have missed it entirely. But he didn’t.

“Killing is wrong isn’t it, Dimitri? How does it feel to become the one thing you despised? You must hate it. To be a murderer who abhors killing.”

**A** crimony. Bitterness. Indignation. Rage. Fury.

Before Dimitri could register what he was doing, he was already pinning Claude against a tree. Hand on the other man’s neck like with a vice-like grip. Claude clutched at Dimitri’s hands, his expression panicked as breathing was getting more difficult to accomplish. Dimitri could feel Claude’s pulse hammering under his palm, the leather of his gloves doing nothing to dampen its intensity. He squeezed his hand tighter and heard Claude gag.

“Y-you’re going to kill me too then-ngh, D-Dimitri? So-SO much for L-loving mehrk always huh, you...you f-fucking BASTARD” Claude gasped out, red-faced, sweat on his brow, and his eyes watering. The pained and accusatory grin on his face pierced through Dimitri’s rage. His grip slackened enough to let Claude breathe and he immediately heard Claude’s desperate gasps for air. 

Shock.

Claude glanced up at Dimitri and found the man staring at him with an almost horrified expression. The faraway look in his eye told Claude that Dimitri was clearly reminiscing of the day Dimitri had confessed to him in their youth. Claude’s throat was throbbing. If he didn’t act fast, Dimitri may decide to finish him off. His heart gave a painful twinge at this very real possibility. Mentioning their past had a clear affect on him. He had to lay it all out. He didn’t want to. But this was his only option.

He looked into Dimitri’s eyes and recited the words he had stored in his heart and memory. Hoping whatever god was listening would grant him this one respite. Even godless men needed hope in times of crisis.

“Do you remember what you told me that day, Dimitri? When we snuck out of the dormitories for the first time to train and spend time together?” Claude watched Dimitri’s eyes and saw the flash of remembrance. Hope.

“I remember. I remember, Dimitri. You told me ‘I love you, Claude. Let’s join our kingdoms when we become kings. Together we’ll form a powerful alliance. It’ll be you and me, together always’”

As Claude was talking, Dimitri heard the echo of his own voice on that day, many years ago.

“I want to be with you, Claude. Ill never hurt you. To me... you’re like the sun.” Claude and Dimitri’s memory of himself spoke in unison. Echoing in his mind.

_I’ll never hurt you._ He heard himself say over and over. _I’ll never hurt you._

_I’ll._

Dimitri looked at Claude’s face and his heart gave a painful lurch. Claude’s face was blotchy, and he was breathing heavily. But what pierced through Dimitri’s soul were the tears that shone in Claude’s eyes and the unmistakable hurt and sadness that intermingled in his gaze. _I hurt you._

Dimitri gasped and abruptly let go of Claude, as if touching him had burned his skin. He stepped backward as quickly as he could, nearly tripping over his own feet. He stared at his own hands. They were shaking violently. He needed to leave. To get away from this. From Claude. He was about to turn and run when he noticed Claude was on his knees clutching at his throat and trying to calm his breathing and trying to be as silent as possible. As if he was afraid that he would attract Dimitri’s attention.

Dimitri felt his pulse quicken and without thinking, walked towards Claude. He gently kneeled next to him. He lifted his hand to touch Claude, he wanted to survey the damage he had caused, but the sudden movement made Claude flinch away from him instinctively. Dimitri’s hand dropped and felt his heart squeeze painfully for the man in front of him. He had promised him all those years ago that he would never harm him and instead he did the very opposite. Made Claude fear his touch. Dimitri felt his chest burn and a lump on his throat.

“Claude... I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Dimitri whispered, staring at the floor, his fingers digging into the dirt beneath him as he was overwhelmed with grief. He felt his eyes burn with tears as he kept whispering apologies that he knew wouldn’t matter. He was a monster and a hypocrite.

Turning to look at the other man, Claude found himself staring at a pitiful sight. Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, on the floor silently weeping and whispering apologies to him. Claude watched Dimitri, an almost indescribable storm of emotion budding within him. He felt sorry for him. He felt angry at him. He felt resentment. Most alarmingly, felt the resurfacing of an old affection. He felt pity. It was a conflict of emotions that left him confused and frustrated. He felt his heart squeeze painfully at seeing the man break down like this. He hated seeing him like this. Even after Dimitri had harmed him. He was a fool. He was a complete fool.

Dimitri gasped when he felt Claude’s hands gently cup his face and pull him closer. Their emotions were scattered, Claude’s stormy gaze met Dimitri’s grief stricken one.

When their lips touched, it should have felt wrong. They were enemies. They were leaders. They weren’t supposed to do this. It was wrong and made no sense. But at that moment, neither of them cared anymore. The moment their lips touched, they were teenagers again with no immediate worries and all the time in the world. Dimitri gasped again when he felt Claude begin to caress his back and bite at his lip. A silent question. _Do you want more?_ Dimitri melted into Claude’s embrace and let himself get swept away by the joy of their memories, deepening their kiss. Tears fell but went ignored. They didn’t want to acknowledge their circumstances. Claude began taking off Dimitri’s armor. Not now. Not when they were finally back into each other’s arms after five long years of suppressed yearning and secret affections. Dimitri started caressing Claude’s body.

For now, there was no Claude Von Reigan of Leicester or Dimitri Alexander Blaiddyd of Faerghus. Dimitri moaned as Claude’s hands finally touched his bare skin. For now, they were just Claude and Dimitri, two men who could be together and bask in each other’s warmth and love. Claude licked the crook of Dimitri’s neck and made him cry out in a once forgotten pleasure.

**I** ndulgence

* * *

When Claude woke up he was groggy. The moon was still high in the sky and he was lying next to a disheveled and sleeping Dimitri. They were under the same tree where Dimitri had nearly choked him to death only a few hours prior. Claude shifted slightly and grimaced at the soreness he felt in his body, most acutely on his neck and lower back.

_Ah... this is really messed up, isn’t it?_ Claude couldn’t help but think as he stared at Dimitri’s sleeping form. He had changed so much. They both did, he supposed. Five years. They hadn’t seen each other in five years and the moment they reunited they got into a violent argument that somehow led to them having sex.

_Incredibly messed up._ But even as he thought this, he slowly scooted closer to Dimitri and gently wrapped his arms around the bigger man’s body. He closed his eyes, resting his head on Dimitri’s shoulder and felt his heart flutter when he heard Dimitri’s gentle breathing. 

Claude sighed and forced his eyes open, falling back asleep would be so easy with how drained he felt. He stared up at the sky and he gently squeezed Dimitri’s body in his arms.

“I thought about you, you know. During those five years,” Claude quietly said, his voice slow and sleepy, “I’ve learned a lot about myself. About the kind world we live and its people… about what I want to do. I’ve changed, if it’s for the worse or for better... I don’t know.”

A memory of Dimitri flashed into Claude’s mind, of when they trained together in the academy. The echo of Dimitri’s carefree laughter ringing in his ears. Claude frowned.

“...You’ve changed too. But not in the same way I have. You’re… not the same polite young man that would chuckle every time I flirted with him, are you? I knew you liked to fight but this isn’t…this wasn’t you,” Claude could feel his voice, almost a mumble at this point, begin to shake, “What happened to you? You’re not him anymore, right? You’re not my Dimitri, are you.”

Claude squeezed his eyes shut and gave Dimitri another squeeze with his now shaking arms. His eyes stung and there was a lump in his throat. He was doing that a lot as of late, crying. Claude sighed. He wished he could go back in time. Maybe then he’d be able to prevent any of this from happening. Maybe he could have helped Dimitri. Why did things have to turn out like this? He didn’t understand. It devastated him. And it made him angry. It should have been different. He and Dimitri should have been together. They should have formed an alliance between their countries. They should have been happy. Dimitri should have been happy. They should have bee-

“Claude..” He heard Dimitri whisper and Claude, startled, looked at him. Dimitri was still asleep, a small smile on his face. Another memory flashed in Claude’s mind.

_Claude…!_ It was the first time they had made love, Dimitri was staring up at him, cheeks and ears red, tears at the corner of his eyes and the brightest smile Claude had ever seen. _I love you, Claude! I love you._

Claude felt himself smile at the memory as he began drifting back to sleep. With the memory of Dimitri’s smile on the forefront of his mind, Claude realized he wanted to stay with Dimitri. Even now. He needed to.

* * *

**F** antasy.

_“You have a lovely smile”_ The Claude in his dream said, a mischievous grin on his face. Dimitri felt himself blush as he held out his hand to cup Claude’s cheek. The other boy’s smile became gentle and he leaned into Dimitri’s touch. They were back in the academy and were in some secluded hallway Dimitri didn’t remember the name of. Not like it mattered, the only thing he was aware of now was Claude’s proximity.

“Claude…” He whispered, his heart fluttering at the affection in the other boy’s eyes. Claude placed his hands around Dimitri’s waist and pulled him closer, his eyes half-lidded as he looked up at Dimitri. Claude closed his eyes and Dimitri’s heart pounded. Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed Claude, heart soaring when the shorter boy gave a sigh of contentment. Dimitri closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, letting himself sink into Claude’s embrace.

When he opened his eyes, it was early morning and he was on lying on the floor. He was bare chested, sore and being held by someone. Dimitri felt his entire body stiffen and he scrambled away from the other person, making them gasp. Claude. Memories flooded into his mind and he felt his heart begin to race in panic. _Fuck_. Without looking at Claude, Dimitri grabbed his discarded cape, covered his upper body with it and started to run.

“DIMITRI!”

Claude’s voice made Dimitri’s legs freeze. He heard Claude run towards him, stopping only a few feet away. Dimitri’s heart was still pounding, and while the air was warm, his entire body felt cold. He shouldn’t have done this. This was a mistake.

“Dimitri. We don’t have to fight like this. We can try to make things right again. We can be allies again. We can be together and form a truce. We _don’t have to fight,_ there must be another way to solve all this crap!” Claude said and the increasing desperation in his voice made Dimitri close his eye and sigh deeply. Impossible. It just wasn’t possible. This was a mistake.

Claude bristled at the sound of Dimitri’s sigh.

“What good does this do for you then, Dimitri? All this crap you’re doing. You suffer and your people suffer. _What good does it do?!_ ” Claude asked, growing angry. He knew Dimitri wanted him too, or else he wouldn’t have slept with him. They had to try. They had to try and make this fucked up situation work. They could end this war without more tragedy. It couldn’t just be him who wanted this. It couldn’t be.

Dimitri steeled himself.

“It does more for me than being with you ever will, Reigan.” was all he said, and he walked away, without hesitation and without turning to look back at Claude.

Claude didn’t call out or follow him,

He watched Dimitri’s back until he couldn’t see the other man anymore. When he realized that Dimitri really wasnt coming back, Claude walked back to the tree they made love under and leaned on it.

Claude laughed, a boisterous laugh but his eyes were filled with tears and anger. He suddenly quieted and wiped at his mouth, suddenly remembering Dimitri’s lips against his. He felt his heart flutter at the memory even when it had been so thoroughly broken. He chuckled. A bitter and raw sound.

“I’m so fucked up.”

* * *

When Dimitri arrived at his fortress, he immediately stormed into his quarters before anyone had the chance to ask him questions. He was certain if anyone had even tried to, he would have snapped at them without remorse. He went into his rooms and locked his doors. He needed to think. His heart was still pounding, and his mind was racing. He had let his emotions get the best of him and he had left without resolving the very issue he had gone to take care of. Dimitri clenched his teeth in frustration and removed his gloves and cape from his body, dropping them onto the floor. He sighed and walked towards his bed, intending to just slump into it and never get up until someone dragged him out. He rubbed at his neck but immediately flinched. It was tender to the touch.

_That bastard,_ Dimitri thought as he gingerly touched the aftermath of Claude’s kisses and bites. He paused after a moment and wondered what his neck looked like with all those marks on him. Against his better judgement, he glanced at the mirror he had covered at the other end of his room. He never looked at it anymore. He had never wanted to. But now… he was curious.

**T** emptation.

He walked over to the mirror and removed the cloth that obscured its surface. The mirror itself was simple, big enough to show him his entire body, with a simple yet elegant frame. Dimitri stared at his reflection, the man staring back looked haggard. He smiled at the sheer look of exhaustion on his face. Ironic, all things considered. His previous night had been the first time he’d been able to sleep without waking up to night terrors. Dimitri frowned suddenly. He was stalling. He didn’t know why; they were just bitemarks, but he found it difficult to directly look at them.

Squaring his shoulders, Dimitri looked directly at his reflection’s neck and his mouth dropped open in silent surprise. There were bite marks, as expected, but Dimitri hadn’t expected the heart-shaped hickey. Dimitri brought his hand up to the mark and he lightly traced its outline. Claude would always do this in their academy days. Dimitri had always claimed it was a nuisance, but he never once told Claude to stop. Dimitri remembered the way he would crane his neck for Claude, the feeling of pure ecstasy when he felt the other boy’s soft kisses at the nape of his neck. Claude had never given him the mark where it would be seen, always under his uniform’s collar, but Dimitri was always conscious of it. It made him feel attractive, special, desired… loved. Dimitri didn’t notice the small smile that reached his lips as he stared at nothing and replayed the memories in his mind, tracing the heart shape absently. He had always known this was how Claude said ‘I Love You’ without needing to say it. He wasn’t sure if Claude had known this himself.

Snapping out of his stupor, Dimitri frowned. What was he doing? Reminiscing of a relationship long dead was pointless and would only cause him pain. Dimitri glanced at the mirror once more, only to find himself staring at a face that was no longer his. The seventeen-year-old Prince Dimitri stared back at him, eyes shining, with a blush of happiness on his face. Dimitri watched his younger self trace his own marks and bites, wonder and affection evident in his eyes. Dimitri felt sick to his stomach. He remembered that day, the day after he and Claude had made love for the first time. He had felt like he could take on the world, that he was going to be by Claude’s side for the rest of his life.

_Dimitri… Dimitri…_

Dimitri clenched his eyes shut and grasped at his hair, falling to his knees. No. NO.

_Dimitri... I love you._

Claude’s voice echoed in his head, both from their days at the academy and words whispered only a few hours prior. The whispered confessions were interspersed between Claude’s gasps of desperate pleasure and mischievous laughs. Dimitri felt Claude’s hands roaming over his body, Claude’s kisses against his skin, his hot breath against his lips. Dimitri’s heart pounded and he curled up, head on the floor, desperately covering his ears. His chest hurt and he felt like throwing up.

As quickly as it all the sound started, it stopped. All he could hear was his own heavy breathing. Slowly, Dimitri lifted his head. In the mirror, the young prince was still tracing at his markings, unaware of the chaos his image had caused Dimitri.

‘ _Dimitri Alexander von Reigan…Dimitri Alexander Blaiddyd-Reigan’_ The reflection whispered to itself and laughed.

The whispered laugh made Dimitri’s world come crashing down. He remembered Claude’s desperate pleas to form an alliance, a truce, a union. Dimitri could still hear his reflection’s excited laughter when he destroyed the mirror. The roar of anguish that erupted from him didn’t drown it out either. Neither did the frantic calls of his troops asking if he was alright.

When Dedue finally broke down his door, he found Dimitri staring at a broken mirror, hand bloodied and clenched, tears streaming down his face.

**S** elf-Hatred.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for reading this fic! I tried my best with it and hope you enjoyed it. Im not very confident in my writing but i really wanted to write something for Claude X Dimitri before the game released. So if theyre OOC, im sorry!! Im also sorry for the formatting! im not used to Ao3 at all and i couldnt figure out how to fix it! It's been ages since ive posted a fic. 
> 
> But again, thank you for reading!!


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